


Selfishness

by TamiHaru



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, College Student Eren Yeager, Kenny Ackerman is a total jackass, Kidnapping, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Police Officer Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Swearing, Verbal Abuse, Violence, life turns into shit, mafia vs police, not gonna spoil the ending., smut to come
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 03:39:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3594948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TamiHaru/pseuds/TamiHaru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren is a pocket thief. Stealing little things are his way to rebel against his kind and good parents. But one day, Eren makes a mistake. He tries to steal from a wrong guy, and got caught by him.</p><p>The man was a mean mafia boss, who made his life mission to make Eren miserable.</p><p>Boss gives Eren one little mission: Kill one of the New York’s top criminal officer, who’s known as Captain Ackerman. If Eren succeeds to do it, he’s free and his family would be safe again. If not, well, Boss doesn’t guarantee the results for the failure.</p><p>It feels like just a moral thing to do, but when unpredictable love comes into play, Eren finds himself tangled in serious problems.</p><p>Can love survive greed, selfishness and hate? Is it strong enough to save someone?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mistake

     “Eren, I think you should stop this. Before Mikasa finds out or you get caught.” I heard Armin whisper.

“Hah, you think too little about me. I have already gone when people notice something’s missing.” I reassured with a confident smirk. It was almost 8pm, and I was walking around the New York City with my only friend, Armin. At the beginning it was just a normal shopping trip, but when it started to get dark, I wanted to have some fun with people. Just some little pocket thieving, no big deal.

Yet Armin has been silently trying to get me change my mind for two hours by now. Earlier I didn’t care, but now I started to get a little irritated.

Still, I don’t blame Armin. He is worried about me for a reason. It would close so many doors for my future if I got caught. Still, I don’t want to stop it.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just think, no, I know that some of the cops are smarter that you.”

“So what? I’m just a pocket thief with a baby face. They have other even bigger problems to worry about.” I said, rolling my eyes without Armin noticing it. He sighed, and I knew I had won.

“Yeah, but still.”

God he was persistent today. I thought I won this round!

“You just don’t know the thrill you get when you steal something small but really important from your victim. And that adrenaline rush when the gig is over and you have it in your hands! It’s quite addictive to be honest.” I explained excitedly.

“And it’s your way to rebel against your parents. You said it a few months ago.”

“Well, yeah.”

“What they even did to you and your sister that you have to do something like this?”

Is he trying to invoke on my compassion?

“Well, nothing. You make it sound like in reality I murder people, not steal some jewelry or money.”

“What if you continue this and suddenly want to steal bigger things? Like a whole bank or something.”

Now he’s seriously getting on my nerves. I tried to not show it though.

“Relax, I’m not that evil.”

“I know but…”

“But what?”

“I just have a really bad feeling about this.”

Oh god, Armin and his bad feelings.

“Just snap-“ I stopped mid-sentence when I saw man coming out from a shop. The man was well dressed, not so old looking and looked like somebody with money like trash. Perfect prey for my gold thirsty fingers.

Armin took a quick glance over his shoulder, and instantly grabbed for my sleeve.

“Oh no no no no! Eren, that man is bad luck, I can feel it in my bones.” he hissed angrily, trying to drag me on the other way.

And again, Armin was against my doings.

“You know Armin, you can’t stop me from doing it.”

And I think he knew it already. I can be stubborn like hell if I wanted to.

“Alright. I’ll just wait here then.” Armin sighed. Something in his voice made me feel very guilty, but I tried to shrug it off.

“You should go home though. You had that cool book you were reading, right? Go finish it off, Marshmallow.” I said smirking evilly. I just know he’s going to blow up because of his nickname, and effectively forget my little plan.

“Eren you fuck-“ Armin stopped himself just in time and blushed. He was not into swearing, but I have this amazing talent to get him _almost_ swear aloud.

“Pardon me?”

“Arrrgh! I hate you Eren!”

“Aww, I love you too!”

I laughed out loud then. Armin was pouting at me.

“I’m going. I hope we will never see again, dork.” Armin growled clearly not serious.

“Now I’m hurt.” I feigned hurt and stopped laughing. Armin turned around and started to head home. Still I saw a glimpse of his growing smile.

“See ya.”

~~~~~~~

     Now that Armin was out of theway, I started normally walking towards the wealthy looking man. I made sure I looked like a normal guy who goes usually unnoticed on the streets.

When I got ready for the kill, I couldn’t help my smile. This is going to be way too easy.

And finally, the act was on.

“Oof!” I stumbled into the man, who dropped all his shopping’s on the street.

It looked like he was just coming from a jewelry shop. All these shining rings and necklaces and a few expensive looking wrist watches were sprawled on the street, like praying for a picker like me.

I hid my nasty smile as soon as it appeared again.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry for running into you like that! Are you okay? Did I hurt you, sir?” I babbled theatrically. No too much though, and not too little to seem rude.

“Ah no, young man. It’s alright.” the man answered with a soft tone.

“Thank you for not being angry for me. Let me pick these up.”

And I dove in for the cash when the man nodded.

Let me see. No, too cheap. And this is ugly! I never get this sold forward!

And, wait a sec.

_Just perfect._

And I was up.

“There you go! Some beautiful jewelry you have there, sir.” I smiled my best innocent smile.

“Thank you, have a good night, young man.”

“Of course! You too, sir!”

_Fuck yeah!_

And I was off. When I walked beside the rich fuck’s company, she looked at me quizzically. She looked like she was currently trying to solve a puzzle.

Well this puzzle was something you will never get solved.

She said something to the man with the jewelries, but I didn’t catch it. I was too busy whooping internally for my success.

_Didn’t that go for a bit too easily though?_

~~~~~~~~

     I was definitely smiling like a creep right now. Okay, maybe the whole trip here near my home. And I think it’s going to start raining soon. Mikasa would kill me if I can’t make it home before the rain.

_I think this night should’ve been one that I would concentrate more on my surroundings. I was too careless. I couldn’t hear the steps until it was too late._

Wait, steps?

Suddenly I was kicked down against the hard uneven wall.

Ah, it hurts.

I think someone just kicked the air out of my lungs.

I felt a hand tuck on my hair, raising my scratched face for the world to see.

“Well well well, isn’t it that clumsy young man from earlier?” that same comfortable voice asked.

Wait, no. That voice was creepy as hell.

Another hand grabbed my hoodie almost tearing it at the same time. Other hands held me against the cold red brick wall. The hand which were searching my pockets found something.

I watched carefully when the man in front of me raised the black box near his face, examining it.

“Oh boy. This looks familiar.”

Now I would’ve swallowed if my mouth just wouldn’t have been so dry.

“You’re a naughty young boy, do you know that? Didn’t your sweet mother teach you that stealing is bad?”

It disgusted me that this man dared to talk about my mom. And little by little things started to clear out for me.

_This man in front of me was not a good guy. I had a feeling that I was not the first one he was abusing._

“Don’t you dare to say anything about my mom!” I hissed.

“Oh are you a mom’s favorite? Possibly gay?”

“H-how-“ I was cut off with a hard punch on my face. I fell down and started spitting the blood out of my mouth. The metallic taste got me shuddering from disgust and effectively forget what I wanted to say to him.

“Do we kill this brat who dared to steal from you?” someone asked. It was definitely a woman’s voice, but it sounded so fucking cold.

“Hmm, let me think.” the man answered. The woman undid her frustration on me by picking me up roughly from the filthy ground.

“Well decide quickly, Kenny. I don’t have all night to pick up brats and beat them.”

“Patience, my friend. You will get to fuck that goody two shoes-officer with big as elephant’s dicks for eyebrows when the right time comes.” the man, or could I say Kenny snickered.

The woman just snorted and gave a swift kick on my side.

For fuck sake, It was him who annoyed you!

“Hmm…”

“Gh!” I gasped for air, because the woman kicked me again.

“Hm. You sure have good eyes for a poker, love. Even I didn’t notice this brat stealing my favorite wrist watch.”

“Aww that’s so sweet of you, Kenny!” that frightening woman cooed sarcastically. I noticed that the woman currently beating me was the same who was waiting Kenny by the jewelry shop.

“Hmm…” suddenly Kenny raised my face up to study it a bit more. His breath reeked like bird’s shit, that I was able to tell.

“Even I couldn’t notice…”

“Get off my face.” I hissed, and not even a second passed that I was again on the ground spitting fresh blood from my mouth.

“Woah woah love! Calm down! Don’t destroy his beautiful face!” Kenny said with sarcasm coloring heavily his voice. The girl just chuckled and glared at me.

“We might need him.” Kenny murmured after staring at me for a minute.

“For real, Kenny?”

“How many fucking times I have to say that you have to call me Boss?”

“Not enough, Kenny.” the woman hissed with a smirk.

I don’t know. Should I be scared or not? If so, which one of them is more dangerous?

“Argh! No, I’m not going for that shit. Now, Eren-“

“How the hell do you know my name?”

“That’s waaay beside the point here. You do know what you did wrong, kid?”

“Yes.”

“Oh! The dog can talk!”

“Shut up, woman.”

“Geeze….”

“Now now Eren, you can now decide. Walk away and I get a sniper to kill you, or take a beating like a man and do this little job for me.”

I don’t know which one sounded more terrifying, job or a sniper killer?

“Are you a mafia boss?”

“Oh yes.” Kenny smirked at me and lifted my face again.

A job from a mafia boss? I could deal with that. You know, I don’t want to die.

“What kind of job exactly?”

“Oh good. You know this guy named Captain Ackerman? He’s one of the smartest police officers around here and he’s getting too close for us.”

“Not my problem.”

“Oh, it’s exactly your problem now.”

“What I have to steal? Spit it out, old man.”

And he slapped me for that.

“I’m not an old man, brat.”

_Me and my lousy mouth. I always get into more problems with it. As if I don’t have enough of those already._

“No, Eren. Kill that raven haired man. You have enough innocence for that.”

_What?_

“No!” I screamed terrified.

“Oh yes. It’s either that cop or you who’s gonna kick the bucket someday.”

No, I can’t leave my family and friends here.

I’m too young to die.

“Okay.”

“Aww you’re a smart one after all. Thank you for cooperating with us!” Kenny said and smiled his ugly smirk.

Then I received a hard blow on my stomach and the lights went out.

But not after I heard the woman laugh manically and babble something about “Kenny Ken Ken!”.

_What have I done?_

~~~~~~~~

     Fuck my luck.

I was startled awake by someone who closed the nearby waste box with a loud smash. It was a few meters from me, so the noise made me groan in agony.

My head was currently killing me, but somehow the events from few moments ago felt so unreal. I tried to get up, but my legs couldn’t hold my weight.

I stumbled down on the dirty pavement and groaned in agony.

The pain was the reason I knew the assault wasn’t just a nightmare.

Armin was right. I should’ve just left the man alone back then.

Well, no use to regret it anymore.

Slowly I tried to stand up again and this time succeeded. With wobbling steps I made the rest of the way back home.

_Not too long and then I would get Mikasa to treat my wounds and get into a long hot shower. Only that Mikasa would be so mad at me. But still, I’m alive._

I sighed in relief when I arrived in front of my house, the same house I grew up in.

_Woah, what a day!_

Except the front door was open.


	2. Can You Feel The Storm Slowly Rising Up?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't know what to do. Help me."

The whole house was dark when I stumbled inside. I saw that few of our things were thrown on the floor, some of them broken. The whole place was trashed.

“Mom?”

_No one answered. Mom should be home by now._

“Dad?”

_He said this morning that he would be home a lot earlier today than normally. Still, no answer._

“Mikasa?”

_Usually Mikasa was the one who was always the first asking where I had been. She was always on the door right away asking how my day was. But now, I couldn’t see her anywhere._

“MIKASA!?” I screamed again, and felt this cold, empty feeling overtake me. It felt like all the light in my life vanished.

“NO!”

_No no no no…_

I stumbled into something and fell on the floor. I didn’t even try to stand up again, because I was too busy trying to hide my tears.

All in vain. I was left hiccupping and crying on the floor, curled up into a pathetic ball.

I can’t even remember what time it was, when I found myself up and staring our home phone. The only light in the room was the blue signal for a new voice mail. I already knew who the sender was, but still, I pressed the button to hear it out.

_“EREEEN!” someone screamed, and I instantly recognized the voice. Mikasa was screaming my name like a maniac, but someone silenced her._

_“Shut up bitch!” the woman who had assaulted me earlier snarled to her. Someone whimpered, and then it stopped._

_More shuffling, and a loud voice startled me._

_“GOOD EVENING EREN! Or could I say night? Anyway, as an afterthought, I decided to take your family with me. Your sister is a feisty one though. She managed to kick me on the face!” the Boss, Kenny said with a false happiness. Someone laughed on the background._

_“Even I don’t want to know what my men have in store for her, if you don’t manage to do your job.”_

_Those words made me tremble. Mikasa had already experienced some things no one deserved to go through. She doesn’t deserve even more misery._

_“It totally depends on you what I'm going to do to your family. And remember this, kid. Murdering isn’t that different than stealing. You just steal a life, and can’t get money out of it.” Kenny said and after that snickered evilly._

_“My little innocent pocket thief. Go and steal the most important thing a man can own.”_

The Boss said something after that, but I was too upset to hear it. I just stared that shiny new gun on the table next to our phone. They left a gun for me. A weapon for the job.

Again, I found myself on the floor, sobbing with tears streaming down my face. Finally, it sank.

_I have to kill a person to get my family back._

~~~~~~~~

     Right now I’m hanging around the city trying to think a way to get the job done. I have to, I don’t have the time to think about my morals.

I’m ready to carry the burden for the rest of my life. I just want that my family is safe.

I chuckled darkly, because for the whole day when I had surveyed around the city, I found some perfect opportunities for some little pocket thieving. Too bad that I had promised for myself to quit stealing completely after yesterday.

It’s getting late, and the people on the streets change. The night is the time for the bad guys to shine.

Now I’m the bad guy.

_“Rise and shine, my boy. Your skills are too good for a nice kid. Use them, kill this cop named Captain Ackerman, and your family would be safe again.”_

Bastard’s words gave me chills, which led me to squeeze that shiny silver gun harder. It was hidden under my black jacket.

In today’s fateful morning, the first thing was me remembering those words in the end of Kenny’s voice mail.

“Oi! Little brats like you should sleep now, not wander around dark streets.”

I froze when I heard the voice. It came behind me and it was dark, cold and full of certain power. I turned around, and pulled my hand out under my jacket keeping the gun out of sight.

First, I saw a man whose hands rested on his hips. He didn’t look threatening or bad at first, but when I noticed his uniform, my heart froze.

_He was a cop, and on the metal name tag was written two words: Captain Ackerman._

So that was the man whom I was meant to kill. How I could suddenly stumble into the same cop I was meant to kill right under 24 hours from the time I was commanded to do it?

I wonder why.

I decided to say something. I was too silent not to look too suspicious.

“I’m not a brat. I just couldn’t sleep.”

Heh, I don’t even know if I have a place to sleep anymore. Oh, yeah I have. Right now it’s just so fucking empty and trashed. I won’t step into that place for a while, that’s for sure.

Just then, I met his gaze, and I really wish that I hadn’t done that. His eyes were dark grey, with a bit of dark blue in it. And they were so full of power and some kind of pride.

He kind of took the ground under my feet, with just one look.

“Are you serious? Do you have any idea how dangerous New York can be at night?”

_As if. But this was it. Perfect change to save my family. No one was around except me and... That cop._

So why I just couldn’t pull the trigger?

“I can handle it just fine, sir.” I murmured halfheartedly while I was battling against my inner demons.

“I don’t think so.” my gaze flicked to his lips. He was smirking and it got my heart beat faster.

_Just go, before my demons win._

“Didn’t your mother teach you not to stare at people? It’s really fucking rude, brat.”

I didn’t answer him, because I couldn’t trust my voice. I put my hands to my pockets, so he could not see them trembling.

I couldn’t get my head clear. Half of me screamed me to shoot him, save my family, but the other half stopped me.

I was so fucking confused and terrified, and it made me decide to not do my work, not today. I wasn’t ready. I don’t think I’ll ever be.

“Okay okay, I’ll go home now.” I played safe.

“Good boy. Oh! For just a little reminder, try not to stare someone’s lips for too long. It’s creepy, or hot, if you swing that way.”

I turned around to hide my sudden blush. I didn’t answer him. Instead I started to walk away from him, heading my ‘home’, or could you say ghost house.

That cop though. I couldn’t get his eyes from my mind.

Why did I run away? What turned me to a coward, which I swore to myself that I never was?

_My life is ruined._

~~~~~~~~~~~~

     In the end, I walked straight to my home, straight to my room. I even went into my closet and shut the doors.

With trembling hands I dialed Armin’s number and pressed the call-symbol.

The whole time when I was waiting him to pick up, I tried to hold in my tears.

I don’t know why, but suddenly my fucked up situation came to bite my ass again.

“Hello?”

When I heard his voice, my answer was just a broken, ugly sob.

“Eren?”

More sobs.

“Oh my god! Eren, are you alright?” I heard the panic starting to grow in his voice.

When I couldn’t form any coherent words, I heard Armin start to shuffle around.

“I’m coming to your house like right now.”

“NO!” even just the image about Armin coming here and running into that bastard was terrifying. I’m quite sure that Kenny has someone keeping an eye for me. If Armin also gets into this mess, I would never forgive myself.

“Eren?”

“Armin, I fucked up. I seriously fucked up. I shouldn’t even call you right now, because they might take you too!”

“Take me? Who? Eren, calm down and tell me.”

“The- they t-took…”

“Take a few deep breaths and explain then. Calm down.”

Was it usually me who told Armin to calm down?

When we were back at High School, Armin used to get panic attacks because of the bullying. It continued even after a few months from when I beat the bullies into a pulp. Little by little Mikasa and I made the others realize how cool Armin really was, and is now.

Luckily he’s alright now, on his way to become the world’s next Einstein.

_But right now, I wasn’t. And my family wasn’t either._

I obeyed him and took a few deep breaths. When I was ready to speak, I swallowed. My throat felt really dry all of a sudden.

“Yesterday, back in the city, you were right. That man from the jewelry shop wasn’t someone I thought he would be.”

“I was right?”

“Yeah. I uh, I sure hope you’re sitting right now.” I heard shuffling from Armin’s end.

“Now I am.”

“Okay. Armin, that man is a mafia boss, and he caught me when I was walking back home.” I explained silently, and heard Armin gasp.

“What happened then? Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m alive. Some cuts and bruises, no big deal. But they took my family. When I arrived at home last night, the house was dark and empty.”

Please don’t freak out, Armin.

“Oh my god.”

“They gave me a job. After I had done it, I would get them back.”

“Eren, what they asked you to do?”

I couldn’t answer immediately.

“Eren?”

“I can steal, but not murder someone. Armin, hey asked me, no, _commanded_ me to murder a cop.” I whispered with an empty voice.

“No…”

“So please, stay out of this. Don’t tell anything about this to anyone, and stay away from me. Please, Armin, even this phone call is too much. I can’t take it if they hurt you too.”

“Where is your family now?”

“Alive, with the Boss.”

“Okay. Eren, call me immediately if you need anything. Leave even a message once a week that I know you’re okay.”

“Okay. Bye Armin.”

“Bye.”

“Wait.” It took a minute from me to manage to blurt out the question.

“What do I do?” I whispered with a broken voice.

“Eren, I don’t know.”

“Help me.”

“I can’t! Just, remember that killing someone is the last option you have.”

Armin is one of the only persons who can see the solution clearly in situations which seem impossible at first.

“Thank you.”

He made me feel slightly better, as always.

I hang up before I would run to Armin’s house. I felt so alone, so miserable.

The second night came when I cried myself to sleep curled into a tight ball.

_How can I survive from this impossible mess?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh well. God the characters are going to be so OOC...
> 
> Thank you for reading. I hope the whole 'family being gone' thing managed to surprise you sweeties.
> 
> Edit : I did some adjustments on here so READ IT AGAIN PLEASE! MY WRITING WAS QUITE SHITTY LAST TIME, BUT NOW I FIXED IT.
> 
> ~Tami


	3. Meet and spill some coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FIXED SOME PARTS FROM CHAPTER 2! NOW IT KINDA MAKES SENSE.
> 
> Enjoy your reading, and thank you for the kudos.

 

     "Brat? What the fuck you're doing here again?" someone shouted behind me. 

Yep. I couldn't sleep in an empty house, so I was walking around the city again. Usually I would go for Armin's house, but right now getting Armin into this mess was the last thing I'd do. I haven’t yet fully recovered from the phone call few days ago.

I’m so damn sure that this is going to be the last time I mess up. 

_Or so I thought._  

I hazily turned around and met the same stormy pair of eyes from couple days ago.

"N-nothing, sir. I just can't sleep." I hated it how my voice sounded so pathetic. But those eyes made me nervous.

"Can't sleep? Then go home and play some video games. This is New York, brats like you could get into serious trouble just by being in a wrong place at a wrong time." he hissed. He was quite annoyed by something. Probably just because of me.

"I don't care." I whispered. I don't even know why I said that.

"Look, me neither. I'm just trying to do my job. So be nice and go home." the cop said while glaring daggers at me.

Unfortunately it just provoked even more of my big ego.

"No."

I was not fucking going to my ghost house.

Oh. Why it's empty in the beginning?

Me and my fucked up luck.

Now I suddenly realized how good opportunity this would be to get the job done. Empty and dark street, no people around, almost 2 am and no one would suspect an innocent teenager.

And Ackerman was here with me.

But what was it that stopped me from pulling the gun out of my pocket? Yet again?

My thoughts were interrupted by someone grabbing and pulling me up by my shirt. And then I was staring a pissed out cop in the eye.

"Now listen up you fucker. Go. Home." he growled. He was quite scary when angry. But you know, I was stubborn.

"I don't want to." I hissed. I was getting angry too. Not for him, for myself.

For a few seconds we just stood there staring at each other, and I think Captain was a little surprised by my answer. Then I was thrown on the ground by him.

"You don't have any self-preservation, do you brat?" he murmured and stared down on me.

And he was off. He just left me sitting on the filthy street.

I just stared after him and tried to think what the hell just happened.

And what's the worst thing about this? I was supposed to kill that cop, but I can’t do it.

My efforts to try to make the job done were not succeeding.

He disappeared around the corner and I was left on the street clutching hard on my head.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Few days from the encounter with a pissed out police officer, I had decided that the third time's the charm. I will do it, I'm sure of it. I will free my family.

I just had no idea that the third encounter would happen in a sunny day on a busy street.

But it did happen. I was walking around the busy shopping streets killing some time, not looking for new victims exceptionally. I kept my head down while walking, and I stumbled into someone.

Technically I bumped into a person and got his coffee on me. I was soaked in it and it burned.

"Ow fuck! Hoot hot hothot!" I shouted and instantly started to take my blue sweater off. Before I got to my white undershirt, someone stopped me.

"Fuck no. Leave it." he commanded. I immediately obeyed and when I recognized the voice, I looked at the man in front of me.

Dressed in casual jeans and collar shirt with an empty coffee mug in hand stood the icy Captain Ackerman. Although, he too was now soaked in coffee.

"Captain Ackerman?" I breathed not believing my eyes.

"Just Levi, brat. I was spending my sunny day off at the city but a certain motherfucker ruined it." he answered.

"Oh... So no captain- title when not working?"

"Tch." he hissed.

I think I was beaming right now, because:

1\. I don't have the gun with me, so no change to do the job.

2\. Levi, in tight jeans and coffee soaked white collar shirt was making me think again my sexuality. Plus I could see through his shirt.

3\. Now I knew his name.

"Brat, you are just incredible. First, you get me soaked in coffee, now you're gawking me like a rapist." Levi hissed. I think he was annoyed 24/7 at something.

"I'm soaked too, and I'm not staring." I murmured a challenge and straight through lied to him.

"Yeah right." Levi said and turned around. He started walking away, and I could not just let him leave.

"Waaait! Let me buy a new coffee for you."

"In a soaked shirt?"

"Yes!"

Levi looked like he was really thinking about accepting my offer, and his thinking face was cute. It got my hopes up.

"Alright, but just because it was your fault we're filthy.”

Yahoo!

"Stop grinning like you just won a lottery."

Wups.

But I just kinda, won?

I was too happy for a screwed up kid like I am. Levi just made me forget things, forget things which were normally constantly plaguing my head.

I don’t know what I’m doing.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 

So I followed Levi into a nice little coffee shop few blocks from the street we just met. I think Levi was one of the shop's regulars, because he moved around in the crowd like he knew the place very well.

It didn't take long that we were on the register and a very chirpy girl greeted us.

"Greetings! What you want to o- Oh! Levi, it's you again! If I remember right you came to get your usual few moments ago!  Woah, what happened to you two?" the lively shop assistant blabbered. It looked like she knew Levi personally.

And she seemed not to be able to shut up.

"Hi Isabel. I would enjoy my big latte in the park right now but this brat bumped into me, and now we’re soaked in coffee." he explained. The girl with red pigtails stared me and Levi in wonder.

"Oh my! It's unusual for you to be that clumsy, Big Bro! What's your name though?" she asked and stared at me with her big green eyes.

Big Bro?

"Uh... Eren, Eren Jaeger." I answered and scratched my neck. If I remember right, Levi didn't even know my name yet.

"Such an unusual name. I'm Isabel Magnolia, one of Levi's childhood friends. I own this coffee shop with my friend Farlan." she told me while beaming like a sun.

"Tch. You know, he's just a stranger who accidentally bumped into me on the street. So don't suddenly tell your whole life story." Levi growled. I snorted suddenly.

"What?"

"Do you still think that I'm a shady rapist who just waits the right moment to get started?" I joked while staring him. He rolled his eyes and looked away. I think he was flustered.

"Nno?"

Isabel started giggling and I rolled my eyes for her.

"Was that a question?"

"Nno!"

Now I started chuckling and Isabel laughed louder. Her laugh filled the whole shop and other customers stared at us.

"You two are seriously already ganging up on me? Fuck off. Isabel, make me my usual, Eren pays it for me." Levi murmured and went outside. Isabel looked like she was going to say something to him but he was already gone.

"Well, there he goes again. Oh! Because his last coffee was wasted, I'll brew a new one. You pay his latte, and if you order something yourself, it's on the house."

Wait what?

"Really?"

"Yep. Call it my apology for bullying him."

"K. I'll take a big mocha-frappuccino then." I have never tasted it, but it sounded delicious.

"Coming right up." she chirped and started to brew the drinks.

This day felt really unbelievable. I met Levi and one of his friends, who seemed really nice.

My thoughts were cut off by Isabel when he placed two steaming carton cups on the counter.

"It's three and a half pounds."

I gave the money for her.

"You should get going. Big Bro hates having to wait."

"Oh, yeah. It was really nice to meet you, Isabel."

"Call me Izzy."

"Izzy then." I put my wallet back in my pocket and took the coffees.

"Bye Shiny Eyed!"

"What?"

"N-nothing!" she smiled and her cheeks went red.

"K. See ya."

"Bye!"

And I was off on the busy street.

"Took you long enough." Levi said. I noticed him leaning on the street pole and smoking a cigarette.

"Hhehe. Here." I handed him his latte and he dropped the smoking stump on the ground and trampled on it. When he was taking his coffee from me, he noticed my ring. He took his coffee and held my hand, examining the ring.

I instantly felt my face start to heat up. His touch felt very gentle and warm. It felt good.

"Nice ring. Old but still beautiful." Levi said and let go. I started to miss his touch immediately after it was gone.

I graved more.

"Come on brat. I live nearby so come with me. You should change your clothes."

"Oh? Are you sure?"

"Yeah. It's partially my fault too that we are covered in coffee." he answered.

"Come on, brat." he said. I hadn't noticed that he was already moving.

"I'm coming I'm coming!" I said and ran after him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 

"So? What is it that I find you always on the streets? Normally people at your age sit home, play video games day and night and get overdosed on energy drinks." Levi asked after we arrived to his apartment. I was heading for a quick shower. No one would normally go to shower in stranger’s home, but Levi practically commanded me to go there.

"I just, don't like to be home."

"Do you have your own apartment or do you live with your family?"

"I'm collecting money for my apartment at the moment. My school is near my parents place, so why move?"

"Okay. Still, why you're not there?"

"My parents travel alot, so it's really empty. My adopted sister is always with her friends too."

"Now I understand."

I felt so bad for lying to him. It hurts, but I can't help it. I have to lie.

"Yeah." I murmured and went to the bathroom.

Now I noticed how clean and shiny Levi's home was. No food crumbs or dust anywhere. Everything was in order and all. 

And here I thought Levi was a busy cop who spent all his time at work.

Hm, interesting.

"Levi! Can I use your shampoo and one of your towels?" I asked.

"Go ahead. There’s black sweatpants and a white shirt for you to borrow on top of the laundry basket." was the muffled answer.

When I got my shirt off, I felt really sticky. Coffee had glued the shirt on my skin. 

"Sticky..." I murmured. Even my jeans were dirty! 

When I got all of my clothes off, I hopped to the shower. 

You know, I'm not a smooth person. First, I had my problems with the faucet. I got ice cold water on me. Second, I wanted to know what kind of shampoo Levi used. And when I grabbed it, it slipped out of my hands and landed on my toe. My squeak was very manly and I jumped around the shower. 

It was vanilla and salmiac though. 

Luckily I got out alive from the shower.

"What the hell you just did in my shower, jackass?" Levi asked looking pissed out, again right after I came to the living room. 

"Uhm, nothing. I just um..." I had no idea what to say. 

"If you just casually jacked off in my shower, I'm gonna castrate you." Levi growled. I stopped drying my hair with the towel and stared at him. Again, I felt my face go completely red. 

"What? No!" I shrieked.

For the whole time in the shower I just ignored my painful half hardie. And you know, it was _really hard._

"Good. I don't want to find some Eren's juice on my bathroom tiles." 

Was this guy for real? Eren's juice? 

I didn't even notice that Levi went to take a shower because I was so embarrassed. I slowly searched for my phone, and checked for messages. I seriously had to find something else to think about!

_Remember to be careful. And please, no more troubles, Eren._

_xxx Armin_

Armin's message made me forget my embarrassment. I was very thankful for him that he understands. If you know me, you should remember that controlling my temper and being patient was not my strongest thing. 

But Armin. He was something else entirely. I sometimes try to come up for a good reason which would explain why he even can cope with me like this. I’m a piece of shit, but still, he cares about me.

I remember that one time when Mikasa asked about me and Armin. She suspected that we were more than friends. After all, we hung out in the city at least once a week, and we didn’t take Mikasa with us.

I remember exactly how long I laughed for that. Mikasa got angry for me, so she stormed for Armin. When Armin too was trying not to die for laughter, I saw a rare sight.

That was the one and only moment I saw Mikasa blush. She never blushes. Few months ago she found a very erotic magazine from under my bed (with my jizz on it) and nothing happened. She just stared at me, looking all too mischievous for my liking and threw the magazine on my face.

“Next time, use tissues, brother.”

And I was red like a fucking fire truck. Not because of Mikasa, but you should’ve seen my mom’s face, who just happened to hear and see it.

People just don’t speak about masturbation when your mom is in the hearing shot. Apparently Mikasa didn’t know that.

And I remember. When Mikasa left me blush and almost choke on my cereals, my mom couldn’t even look at me in the eye.

“You’re a big boy now, Eren.”

“Mom, stop. I don’t want to talk about that.”

We both were red like tomatoes and still, my mom looked like she wanted to say something.

I was out from the kitchen before she could open her mouth again.

Oh god. That was so embarrassing. Damn Mikasa and her godlike poker face.

“Brat? What the fuck you’re smiling for?”

“Eeeeep!”

I let a very manly scream, and toppled down on Levi. I don’t know how, but suddenly I found a wet Levi under me.

I think my face is going to blow up soon.

“I-“

“So straight forward.”

“No! I-“

And he dared to laugh at me!

“So-sorry! Please stop laughing!”

This was it. I’m going to die from embarrassment. And all because I was in thoughts for only a minute!

Damn it!


	4. Is This Wrong or Right Thing to Do?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Eren, being just friends wasn't really an option.

 

 

I don’t know, really. After that coffee accident, Levi and I started to talk and see each other say, regularly.

It was exciting, but quite stressful too. Every time when I visited him, I tried to get the job done.

But that fucking power I can’t explain stopped me every time from touching the gun.

It made me quite terrified that I had no idea where my family was or were they hurt.

_Or still alive._

But guess what the scariest thing in this mess was? It was this one fact that I felt save with Levi. Heck, I forgot the gun every time I saw him. I forgot my little mission every fricking time Levi said my name.

_He made me forget all the other things in my life, even the most important ones._

Was it two weeks from that time I screwed up?

“Eren? What the fuck you’re doing here? I have work to do!” Levi answered immediately when he saw me after opening the door.

“You know, that ghost house-thing I talked about days ago, that’s why.” I murmured and pushed beside him to his home.

_So fucking homey. Way cleaner than normally, but comfortable._

You know, I wanted some company, because right now I couldn’t be just on my own. Just for example Levi being near me was enough. I couldn’t say it straight to his face, but that ghost-house was enough for explanation.

“Besides, I’m not going to disturb your work.” one sharp glare from Levi made me continue. “-and I’m definitely not peeking my nose on your papers. And for a forewarning, I’m staying overnight.” I dumped my duffel bag on Levi’s sofa and jumped on it.

The sofa was starting to quickly become my favorite place in Levi’s place. Well, beside his bed. But that place was off the limits.

“Brats these days. For real? I have known you for two weeks and suddenly you’re crashing on my sofa.” Levi growled still shutting the door and not kicking me out.

I wanted to test my borders.

“You had work to do?”

“Unbelievable. As if I could work with you being here.” Levi murmured. It left me puzzled, but Levi already crashed on his chair and resumed on his papers. Everything in him screamed for me to leave him alone.

So I obeyed. I pulled my phone and earbuds from my pocket and cleared out those stubborn knots on the flexes.

When some Fall Out Boy started to play, I got comfortable and felt the heavy sigh of relief pass my lips.

Why I usually listened Fall Out Boy? It was the only kind of music which could make me clear my mind and concentrate only on the lyrics.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

     I didn’t even realize that I had fallen asleep, until someone tucked my earbuds off.

“H-hey!” I said with a raspy voice.

“Oh, you’re awake.” Levi said. I opened my eyes and found him hovering over me. I had no idea what was happening.

“Well yeah! What the fuck you’re doing?” I asked. My heart was beating rapidly, because Levi was never this close to me.

“Just wanted to know what kind of music you happen to listen.” he answered. I stared him disbelievingly.

“You could’ve just taken a look of my phone and not make my ears bleed.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

Part of me hoped for Levi to go further away from me, but the rest of me wanted to pull him down, even closer. I wanted to get closer to him. If not emotionally, then at least physically.

_It was that I tried to kiss him or I would say something stupid, thanks to my lousy mouth._

“Your lips look quite tempting right now, Captain.” I murmured accidentally after a few minutes of staring both of us not moving away.

Wait what?

_His lips look so soft and kissable, and made me crave for a taste._

But why the fuck did I say it out loud!?

Levi started to chuckle while pulling away from me. I was so shocked, and I felt my face turn red like a tomato.

“Is that the reason you always stare at my lips though?” he asked while looking at me with his smoke grey eyes.

“Maybe.” I murmured and jumped up from the sofa. I glanced my phone and noticed that the time was few minutes over two am.

“You do have work tomorrow, don’t you?” I hastily asked while stuffing my phone in my pocket.

“Yes, brat.”

“Then I’m not going to disturb you anymore. Bye!” I chirped with a weird voice and made my escape towards the door.

“What the fuck Eren?”

“Nothing, really! Bye!”

“Wha- Just earlier you said that-“

And I was off. Until I had ran all the way down the staircase, I felt save to stop and take a deep breath.

_What I’m doing? Just what the fuck is happening?_

I now realized how deep I was in this mess.

Just a few minutes ago, I almost kissed Levi. I was supposed to kill him, but there I was, craving after him.

Am I falling? Or not?

I wonder what Levi was thinking about this right now. Did he think that I was crazy? Did he see me just as a brat, or did he see me as someone important? Someone who could be more than a friend to him?

_Does he care about me?_

Because I do care about him, maybe. Okay yeah. I have known Levi for just two weeks, but I find myself being pushed towards him.

I started heading with heavy steps for my home. I silently told myself, that I was happy that I left Levi’s before I did something irreparable.

I can’t just suddenly kiss him like that! What was I thinking?

_What I am to Levi? And what is he to me?_

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

     At 5 am my alarm clock started ringing.

“For fuck’s sake shut up, stop.” I swore with a groggy voice. When I hit the clock, it dropped on the floor and went silent.

I moaned in delight when the voice stopped. But when I remembered the reason why I put the alarm on in the first place, I stumbled up from the bed in a record time.

I had totally forgot my part-time job! My shift as a paper boy would start in 30 minutes, and I have to get the papers before that.

So my morning went by stumbling in almost anything, taking world’s quickest shower and getting my hopefully working bicycle from the garage.

In the end, I made it in time and my boss can be happy now.

Rest of my morning went by running away from angry dogs, trying to not jump on people’s throats who had nothing else to do than whine about the day’s newspaper to be late again. Even if I was doing my paper round perfectly in schedule, they dared to whine about it.

Stupid people.

But thanks to them, I could keep my mind occupied and not worry about my "little" mess.

All of the people are not stupid though. Few lonely grandmas were so nice that they were waiting for me with a steaming cup of coffee. That was so nice from them, because they don’t have to do that. Still, their coffee tasted like piece of heaven!

In the end, when I finished my round, I was really tired.

I went home, and was ready to just dive under my soft covers. But when I made myself comfortable in my bed and was ready to fall asleep, everything came crashing down.

I had no idea how my family was feeling right now. I didn’t trust that Kenny-guy at all, so I had no idea what the mafia could do to my family.

At the same time, I had been starting to wonder why Kenny hadn’t called me about the job and how long I was from getting it done.

I missed my family, I missed Armin.

I missed Levi, even though the last time I saw him was last night.

You know what? Now it’s a good time to ask from Levi what he wanted from me. All this teasing and letting me get close to him leaded me to believe that Levi wanted more. It might help me too to clear up my head from this mess.

I’m just not sure that it’s alright if he has feelings for me, _if_ he has.

Because if we ended up just fucking, it would be easier to end it. But if real feelings came into play, I wouldn’t be able to hurt him.

_I wouldn’t be able to do my job._

 

~~~~~~~~

 

     Because I let myself think things through, I found myself in front of Levi’s apartment building later that day. I pressed the doorbell and sighed.

_Here I was, again, not having the gun with me._

Today I left it home intentionally, because I had something else to take care of.

I would ask what Levi thought about me.

When nothing happened, I remembered that Levi was at work, and I forgot to ask what time his work ended. I went to sit down on the steps.

For a few minutes I just sat there looking at the people passing by. An obnoxious voice from my pocket made me jump. When I looked at the caller ID, I felt stupid.

_I had Levi’s number, and I totally forgot about it._

So I stared in disbelief the phone in my hand. It took time for me to realize that I should answer it, and I felt really stupid.

“Hello?”

“What the fuck took your time to answer?” was the angry voice in the other end of the line.

“Oh. Rough day at work, was it? You sound even grumpier than normally.” I couldn’t resist to tease him.

“Shut the fuck up, brat. Now where the heck are you? I want to strangle someone. I’m on my way-“same time when Levi was fuming on the phone, I had noticed him walking up the street. He stopped mid-sentence when he spotted me.

“I’m waiting for you on the steps of your apartment building.” I said to the phone while smiling to him.

Levi just stared at me while saying nothing and putting his phone away.

“Get the fuck up from the filthy ground, you brat.” he grumbled while opening the door.

“Always so happy, Levi.”

His feisty glare made me laugh.

 

~~~~~~~

 

     Again, I jumped on the sofa, like last night. Levi grumbled about me being stupid and said he’s going to brew some tea.

I listened to the soft nocks and sounds when he put the water on and washed his cup and hands.

Always when he came from work, he was on the edge about everything, but when he got his tea, he changed back to normal, less grumpy self.

“Do you want some coffee, brat?” Levi asked from the kitchen.

“Yeah, but I can brew it myself.” I said and jumped up from the sofa.

“I don’t trust you for doing it. Last time you touched my coffee maker, the whole kitchen was full of hot water and coffee grounds.” Levi said skeptically.

I snorted. That had been quite embarrassing.

“I’m gonna be careful this time.” I said when I came to the kitchen.

“Tch, I don’t believe you.”

I pouted at him. Levi thought so low about me.

So I showed off and brewed my coffee, not making a big catastrophe this time.

“You and your shit eating grin.” Levi had commented for that.

When we were sipping our drinks on the kitchen, (and I was munching chocolate chip cookies I found from the cabinet) Levi turned to look at me expectantly.

“You have something on your mind, kid. Spit it out.” Levi commanded.

He was so observant sometimes. Maybe that’s the reason he was such a good cop, and made Kenny stand on his toes with the mafia.

“I um…” him being a skilled cop aside, I had problems with finding the right words.

“What are we? What is this thing between us?”

My heart picked it’s speed up when I blurted the question out. For the first time I saw the surprise in Levi’s eyes.

When we just stared at each other, I was starting to panic.

What Levi thought about this? What if he just shuts up and doesn’t say anything?

“What you want this to be?”

_Arrgh! Don’t answer a question with another question!_

I took a deep breath and said the first thing that came up which hopefully didn’t mess this up.

“I was serious about your lips last night.”

Another long silence, which left me confused. I had no idea what to do or say now. Did I just royally screw up or what?

Luckily Levi was the one who reacted.

He took a few silent steps towards me, until he was standing in front of me. He stared at me, and up close I could see that little piece of blue in his stormy eyes.

“You’re just a kid, Eren. I’m 7 fucking years older than you.”

“It doesn’t matter. I want you.”

That last thing was not meant to go past my lips.

“You’re still a brat.”

Brat, brat and a brat. I’m quite mature for my age you know.

Maybe I was a little too blunt, but I took a step closer to him until I could lean down and whisper on his ear.

“A brat like me can be a good change sometimes.”

I smirked and gave myself mentally a good pat on the back. For the first time in my whole life, I sounded confident, sexy and attractive.

But even that couldn’t brace me from the warmth surging through me when Levi kissed me.

“Let’s keep this just physical.”

That sounded almost too good to be true. But something in those words stung me, and the pain was away before I had time to figure the reason for it.

Levi was here, near me, kissing me and touching me. And finally I could drag my fingers through his silky raven hair.

“Fine by me.”


	5. This was not just lust. This was something else.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a blissful month Eren had to pick up the bastard gun and take aim.

     You know what? In the end I let my demons win.

I became Levi’s lover, someone to have a little fun after a hard day. But it all happened at the expense of my family.

It has been a month when I got my little mission. For a month now, every day, my family would be tortured, or something. What mafia even does with their prey? I don’t know.

_All of that happened when I was making love with Levi under soft and warm covers._

I had no idea when my feelings changed from physical desire into something else entirely, into something unknown and terrifying.

But I couldn’t handle the emptiness anymore, when I wasn’t with Levi. His touches, kisses, whispers in the dark drove me crazy.

“Eren.” Levi whispered between his heavy breaths. We were again, under his soft covers, making love, filling our mad desires.

“What?” I kissed him right after my answer.

“I might have fallen in love with you.”

_I’m just a selfish little bastard._

“And I’m happy that you were the bad kid who was wandering on the streets that night back then.”

_Instantly I regretted that I hadn’t shot him on the street right after I saw the name tag._

Oh no, no no no no!

I felt tears in my eyes and I tried everything to not start crying. If I could just forget my family, I would answer him. I would say a breathy “I love you too”, and kiss him passionately. Kiss him until both of us see stars.

_But that wasn’t even an option anymore._

“I gotta go.”

Separating myself from Levi’s embrace was painful. Every single part of me wanted to stay, but I got up. I had to.

I started to gather my clothes around the bedroom and get dressed. I felt Levi’s angry and confused glare follow my every move. I didn’t dare to look at him in the eye, because then I would start to cry. I would lose the rest of my self-respect by then.

Levi stayed silent for the whole time. Only when I was going to the front door, I heard him walk on the bedroom’s doorway.

“So I’m just a simple fuck to you?”

He sounded so wounded and hurt when he said that. I blinked couple times and froze. I turned to look at him trying to stop the tears from leaking.

I noticed that Levi’s gaze wasn’t that piercing like normally. His eyes were dull, almost lifeless.

_I hurt him deeply, maybe not physically but he was really in love with me._

“No. Just… I’ll be back.”

I ran to the front door and opened it before Levi could come after me.

“Oi! Eren!”

I couldn’t hear the rest. I ran down the stairs and almost slipped. My tears were now streaming down my face while blurring my vision. I had no idea what to do now.

I ran out of the building and down the dirty streets. I ran and ran until I was totally out of breath. I stopped behind the corner and leaned against the wall.

What about the fucking deal about keeping this just physical?

_Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out._

I tried to calm down my wildly beating heart. I struggled to breathe because my mind was messed up. Levi’s sad and anxious voice rang in my head and all the little sweet memories with him was on repeat. I had too many things in my head.

Part of me was left behind. It was left in Levi’s apartment, in Levi’s arms.

I felt my legs go weak, and I started to slide down the wall, until I was sitting on the ground. I shivered from the cold.

_What do I do now? What would happen now? I lost Levi and I would lose my family too._

Just before my tears could slip down my cheeks again, a loud buzzing from my pocket startled me. I slowly took my phone out of my jacket, and looked for the caller ID.

_Unknown Number._

I have no idea who that would be, so I hastily wiped my eyes and answered it.

“Hello?”

I felt suddenly really cold when I heard the faint screaming from the other end of the line.

“Shut up bitch!” someone else hissed and after that I heard rustling and weird noises.

“Good evening Eren Jaeger.” a loud booming voice startled me. I must have shrieked in terror because a manly voice started to chuckle.

“No need to be scared, my little thief. But you know, I have something to ask you.”

“What?” I had a bad feeling about this, because I have been kind of waiting this.

“Have you done your job, brat?”

“I don’t know where he is.”

_I lied._

“Bullshit. My men saw you with him yesterday evening. I think you have been tricking us for a month now. You have known him for this whole time, son of a bitch.”

“Your men are lying.”

“Ahah, I think not. And you know what?”

I was too scared to answer.

“I think you’re in love with him, you faggot. Does he feel so good against your bare skin? Is he so good for you that he makes you forget your family? Goes fucking a cop over those who you really love, who really love you?”

I froze in terror. He knew about him.

_They knew._

“Well, you know what? You have two days, or this nice little sister of yours is going to pay the prize. Her hair smells good though, or so one of my men said.” He sounded so sadistic. Right then I heard a faint scream, and I recognized it. It was Mikasa. They were doing something to her. My need to protect her made my anger rise again.

“You little shit! If you dare to hurt her-“ Boss cut me off with a manical laughter and hang up on me.

It took a couple of minutes for me to get myself in control. I had some kind of plan now. I had figured it out when twirling around an old ring in my hands. The ring was from my mother. The same one Levi had examined back then.

_The wings and swords in it represented Freedom, but freedom wasn’t something I had now. I lost it a month ago._

 

     Now I was slowly walking towards Levi’s home. All the time while walking in the rain I tried to think about something what to say to him. But I came up with nothing. What possibly you would say to your lover before you shoot him? That you’re sorry? It’s not his fault? Like he would even believe that.

I arrived a little too fast to his door. I looked the time from my phone: It took almost an hour for me to get home and get that filthy gun and come back here again. I tried to collect myself before nocking to the door. Just as I was trying to knock the door, it was opened hastily. Behind the door was Levi glaring me with pure venom in his eyes.

“I saw you coming from the window.” he hissed, but let me in. He closed the door behind me with a loud bang, startling me.

“You better have something good to say, brat. Talk. I don’t even know why I let you in.”

_Let’s make this quick._

“Levi, I love you.”

He looked at me with disbelief.

“Didn’t feel like that an hour ago.”

I walked closer to him, taking the ring off from my finger.

“I- I’m sorry. I just had to gather my thoughts for a bit.”

Levi looked me, not being convinced at all.

“Maybe I shouldn’t tell it with just words.” Yeah, I wasn’t good with words, and Levi knew it. So I gently caressed his face: cheekbones, jaw, and neck. His eyes fluttered shut and he sighed. Maybe he understood the message.

His eyes opened slowly, still full of doubt.

_Or maybe not._

His angry look made me shudder. How I would make him believe? I know. You shouldn’t believe me anymore. I was full of lies, but he didn’t know it yet.

_I wanted him to know the only truth in me. The truth is that my feelings towards him were sincere, and I wasn’t afraid to admit it anymore._

Slowly, I settled my arms around him. He didn’t pull away, and I think that was a good sign. I lowered my face to his neck, lightly kissing it. I felt him shudder under my gentle touch. This was the first time, when just I touched.

“You know Levi. I have so many secrets and lies around me. You have no idea what kind of things I have done and am about to do. I seem like a kind and naïve kid, but it isn’t the whole picture. If I’m going to be honest, almost all the little things that I have told are lies.” I sighed and waited Levi to say something, but he was silent. So I continued. “But you have the right to know one truth about me. I love you. Oh god I love you. I have feelings for you, and they are strong. They are not willing to vanish, and oh boy I tried.”

_That was it._

I didn’t wait for him to say something. I took his hand, and put my ring on it. After that, we just stared each other. Time felt like it stopped completely around us.

“Words are not my strongest part either.”

I barely heard his words before he was all over me. He hugged me, he kissed me, heck, he even pulled my hair and made me moan. There was this new fire in him, which was driving us both crazy.

I was suddenly full of this weird want to feel him all over. Caress his every features, touch every beautiful flaw in him.

_Eren, get a grip on yourself._

Oh, that. I had to do that one job which would leave me miserable. But I made my choice, and it’s my family. I choose my family over my selfish needs. It’s for the best, I think. It is a choice I should’ve made weeks ago after all.

I slowly led us towards his bed while trying not to lose myself in the heat. Half of me concentrated to the upcoming mission, and other half of me, well, tried to remember all the little flaws, crooks and things in Levi’s body. I knew that this was the last time I would be seeing Levi, or touching him. Levi fell down to the bed, and I followed him. I was straddling him for a chance, and it made the fire grow even stronger. It felt so good to feel him underneath me.

_You are not able to do the job if you continue to play extra time you don’t even have for the beginning._

God these little voices in my head were annoying, but they were right. I gently pulled the silver gun from my chest pocket while not breaking the kiss. But Levi noticed the gun before I had it pressed just above his heart.

“Eren?”

“I’m so sorry Levi, I’m so sorry.”

The lust in me turned into deep sorrow in mere seconds. Tears blurred my vision just before I pulled the trigger.

_Bang!_

The fatal sound echoed through the apartment. I think I will never forget the look in Levi’s eyes when he noticed the sudden pain in his body. He looked me for a second with pure hatred and disappointment before he went into shock and blacked out.

Now I was a total trembling mess of tears and cries. I wanted to leave the ring for Levi, but it would lead the police to me. So I tore it from his finger alongside a piece of his bloodied shirt, and ran.

I ran and ran down the corridor, down the dirty streets.

_I made it._

That thought made me sob even more.

_Well, now I at least can save my family._

I hope so.

 

     “Are you happy now, bastard? That cop is dead.” I growled to the phone from behind my quickly drying tears.

“Oh? You’re not a coward after all? Fascinating. I hope you have something to prove it with.”

I was fumbling the blood soaked piece from Levi’s shirt in my hands.

“You’re a sick man. Do you know that?” I mumbled.

“Oh, perhaps perhaps.”

“When do we meet?”

“Pretty boy, I’m not meeting you if you don’t have anything to prove yourself with.”

“Does a piece from the cop’s shirt soaked in blood go for a proof?”

“Well, maybe~”

“Yes or no?” I vaguely remembered that I was speaking with a mafia boss.

I was threating him, but you know, _I’m heartbroken._

“Fucking lousy mouthed brat, yes. Now stay where you are, I’m gonna pay a visit with couple of my friends there~” Kenny said and ended the call while giggling viciously.

I dropped the phone to the floor beside me and leaned my head against the wall. I was sitting next to the table where our home phone was. It wasn’t far from the door, so I crashed there immediately when I got home.

I have no idea how I even made it safely back home because of all the sobbing and blurred sight with bitter tears. I was a complete mess.

Thankfully no one stopped me, although they could see the bloodied piece of cloth in my pocket. I was sure that I looked shocked, empty and near my final breaking point, so I could’ve made someone worry while walking back home.

Minutes went by while I was thinking how you would prepare yourself for a sudden visit from a mafia boss.

“I have to admit that a mafia boss was not a person who would visit you regularly.” I snickered to myself, sounding really empty.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     I don’t know how long I had sat on the floor when I heard commotion just outside the front door. I lifted my head up just in time to see someone bursting in from the door and crashing on top of me.

It hurt, a lot, but when I recognized the person on top of me, the pain didn’t matter anymore.

“Mikasa.” I whispered and tightened my hold on her. I felt new tears of relief start to gather in my eyes, but it stopped when I realized, that someone was standing in front of us.

“You’re not in the clear yet, boy. Where are my proofs?” Kenny growled while glaring at me. This time there was no humor in his voice like last time.

I whispered a silent “it’s okay” in Mikasa’s ear and slowly stood up. I then put myself between Kenny and Mikasa.

“The proof, thief.” Kenny asked again with an icy voice. I answered with a glare and took the bloody piece of cloth and a gun from my pocket. I handed them to him and watched how he started to smile like a crazy.

“Just perfect! But how do I know that you’re not lying? Maybe this is someone else’s blood.”

Right then I kind of lost myself. I started to laugh, scaring Mikasa and making Kenny lose his smile.

“Look at me closely, fucker. Did you realize when you called to me that your cruel joke might be true? Well, it was. This is the face of a broken human, who was forced to kill his lover.” I murmured behind gritted teeth.

“Eren?” I heard Mikasa quietly ask and stand up.

“Oh? Well then, you can thank me, kid. At the same time I kind of took care for your little problem, too.”

“For me, he wasn’t a problem, he was my _treasure_.”

It seems for the first time, Kenny had nothing to answer.

“Yo, Kenny.”

“What now, woman?”

“Should we bring the parents in?”

“Bring them inside, we are done.”

“Are you serious? Did that boy really just murder a cop?” the woman said while bringing my mother inside. The same woman who beat me a month ago pushed my mother towards us. If I hadn’t caught her, she would have fallen on the floor and hurt herself, because her hands were tied up behind her.

I saw the tears start to fall from her eyes when Carla looked at me with a relieved smile. She didn’t say anything when I gently put her down on the nearest chair.

Not a minute later, my father stumbled inside. He just looked at me, but didn’t do anything more.

“Yeah, this kid did the job we asked. Ackerman is out of the game, finally.”

“He was a tough bastard for a cop. Even I couldn’t lure him anywhere.”

“Sure sure.”

“Kenny, do you think that we are done here? Could you just leave with your companion?” I asked while glaring at him.

“I don’t know kid. Didn’t your parents teach you to always serve something for your guests?” Kenny snickered.

“GET OUT!” Mikasa and I yelled at him.

“Okay okay, geeze…” Kenny said and made his way out. But before that, he came to me and whispered something in my ear.

“You know, I gave you a bad gun for a reason, Eren. It wasn’t for shooting afar, it was for shooting up close while aiming straight to the heart. _You were meant to kill him while touching him._ ” Kenny whispered.

His words made me freeze, and I didn’t even realize that Mikasa was kicking him out until he called my name again.

“And my little thief, don’t forget that if you tell a word about this to anyone, I’m going to make you regret it with your whole heart.”

And he was out with a manical laughter.

“Here’s your price, faggot.” the woman whispered and attacked me. She made use of me being stunned, because she kicked me to the floor and kicked me on the head multiple times. When Mikasa looked like she was going to charge for the woman, she stopped and left.

I was left trying to figure out why the woman hated me this much. I don’t know how exactly I managed to make her angry.

It took me a while to get myself back together. Right after I heard the bad people drive away from our house I sighed. When I looked at my family, I felt the tears of relief start to fall down my cheeks.

Sweet tears of relief. My family was save again. I made it, I fucking saved my family.

But when I realized what I had done to get them back, the tears turned bitter.

I was so broken because of this.

_But in the end, we were free, except my heart. My heart got caught and died alongside Levi._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo. I am alive and witing.
> 
> Ghee, oh dear. One more chapter to go and that is going to be a huuuge one.
> 
> POSTED 4/30/2016 BY TAMI HARU
> 
> ~Tami


	6. Treasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There you are, my little innocent thief. Didn't think you would see me again?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One hell of a monster chapter, also the reason why the rating is quite high.

      “Eren! Where are you going?” Mikasa yelled from the kitchen. I couldn’t sneak out without someone noticing after all.

“Just for a walk, sis. I’ll call you if I stay longer than an hour.” I answered. I didn’t bother to hear her answer. I needed some fresh air, and time to think. It was dark out, but it didn’t matter to me.

How many months had been exactly when I shot my lover? How many months have I managed to keep my family safe?

_I don’t know. I don’t even want to._

Everything is normal by now. Mikasa and I try to survive the agonizing college, and my parents are working normally. That little mistake I made is forgotten by now. No one wants to bring it up anymore.

It’s quite weird in the end that my parents didn’t say anything to me. I waited for a total shitstorm to come when the shock and relief was over, but nothing happened. Our life turned instantly normal, like nothing happened. No one even needed to visit the shrink!

But I’m the only one from my family who can’t pretend like it didn’t happen at all. Maybe the rest of my family finds shelter in normal everyday life except me. It’s because all the time, I think about _him._ Every night I see nightmares about him dying, and I _always_ remember the pain and hurt in his eyes. I remember how it felt to have his blood on my hands, how the old bastard of a gun was hot and smoking after the shot.

_All of that because of me. I left him like that._

Luckily I have mastered the way to keep the tears at bay, because I felt the unwanted tears start to pool in my eyes, again.

Haha, I’m so broken. I may not look like it, but I don’t know the reason to fight back in life. I don’t have any reason to keep on living with heart’s full. Not anymore.

I’m so broken that even my family thinks there’s no way to fix me.

 

     I didn’t even realize that I was walking that somehow familiar street.

_Oh._

I met Levi for the first time here in this dirty dark street. Levi’s apartment was a few blocks from here, I remember the way even with my eyes closed.

Half of me wanted to get away from the places where the painful memories were. Another half of me wanted to drown in these memories, cherish them, or simply let them cut my heart into little shards like a fucking masochist.

_Crack._

What was that?

I barely managed to turn around when suddenly someone tackled me and started to drag me somewhere. I struggled and tried to kick the attacker but it was no use. That didn’t prevent me from trying though. Suddenly I felt a breath on my ear.

“Long time no see, brat.”

That voice made me freeze and brought the tears back.

It didn’t take too long when I was thrown on the ground. It was dark and I barely managed to see the attacker’s face.

“Levi?”

“Yeah it’s me, you son of a bitch. Didn’t except to see me again, did you?”

My mind couldn’t form anything to say. I was speechless.

_He was alive. Levi stood there, breathing, more alive than months ago when I thought I saw him for the last time in my pitied life._

“What? Cat got your tongue?”

“I’m sorry.”

“What? For not doing your job? If you really tried to kill me, you missed the target by a mere inch.”

Levi’s icy and ruthless voice broke me.

“I’M SORRY OKAY? I WAS JUST A PAWN IN A GAME OF CHESS! THEY THREATENED TO HURT MY FAMILY IF I DIDN’T KILL YOU! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I’M SO FUCKING HAPPY THAT I MISSED THE TARGET, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! I REALLY DO! IT BROKE ME BECAUSE I WAS SO FUCKING SURE THAT YOU DIED BACK THERE!”

My miserable shouts echoed through the street. It left me breathless and sobbing mess on the ground.

_I hope he believes me._

“I don’t know, Eren. I can’t trust you anymore.” Levi’s voice was a mere whisper. But he was right. Even I couldn’t trust someone who tried to kill me, even if I loved that person.

“Just, let me explain”, I whined pitifully, all of my dignity suddenly gone.

Levi didn’t say anything, and I understood it as a cue to start telling the story.

I told every little detail I could remember. From the time I messed up with my attempt to rob from the wrong man to the night when I freed my family. “I could help you to catch them.” I ended it with that, but Levi just chuckled.

“It’s not that easy. Your blackmailer is just one boss out of dozens. The mafia works all around the USA.”

_Oh. There goes the hope to catch them._

“But you are able to help us a little.”

I nodded lightly and there was silent for a moment.

“You’re not going to forgive me?” I whispered in the end, staring at him with my red buffy eyes, almost too frightened to ask it. I waited him to yell at me, only to watch him laugh. He never laughed, and I saw instantly that the laughter wasn’t real.

“Why would I? You betrayed me once; I’m not taking the same risk twice.”

_Oh how his words hurt._

Trying to hide my need to cry _yet again,_ I got up from the ground and stared at the man in front of me.

“So this is it then? We’re over?” I didn’t even try to hide the bitterness in my voice. I already knew his answer, asking from myself why I even wanted Levi to confirm it.

Levi chuckled darkly. I have no idea where I found the strength to stare him back, angry and absolutely broken.

“Don’t look so hurt, brat. I was the one who’s been betrayed.”

I flinched.

“You didn’t answer my question, old man.”

“Brat.”

I think he noticed the unspeakable challenge. I just wanted to end this confusion.

“To say it bluntly, you don’t have any chances to gain my trust again.”

_I expected this, but why it hurts so fucking much?_

“But you’re not going anywhere. There isn’t anything to call _we,_ but there could be.”

I tried my best to read his expression, but I gained nothing. No lies were seen in his eyes.

“I don’t even know why I don’t just kick you out of m-“

I didn’t even notice that I moved closer to him, until I had silenced him by setting by finger on his lips.

“Don’t.”

_-make me hope too much._

Then I kissed him. At first, Levi stiffened, and didn’t answer the kiss. So I ended it, trying not to show any of my disappointment.

“Let’s go to my place.”

Levi just turned around, saying nothing else. I hurried after him, full of questions, because I didn’t understand what Levi meant with that _“could be”_. Yet, I remained silent.

_Yep, too late._

 

     I watched Levi taking off his police uniform while texting to Mikasa that I would stay the night at friend’s house. My family didn’t know anything about Levi, except what Kenny said a few months ago. That’s why I lied.

_Maybe I was too hopeful, but I have no idea what would happen._

I watched for a while when Levi shuffled around his apartment. He smoked a couple stumps, at the same time when cleaning invisible dust from the table. At least he was the same clean freak like before.

The whole time, he avoided looking at me.

When he started brewing some coffee for us, I snapped. I couldn’t handle the silence anymore.

“Right now, I’m quite confused. So, could you explain?” I hissed angrily.

Levi just chuckled. It felt like he was fucking around with me.

“Stupid brat.”

“I did understand that there’s no _we,_ but there could be. But like um…”

“Spit it out.”

“You don’t trust me, but still, you love me.”

“And do you want a medal for that? Yes. But you know, love is all about trust.”

That shut me up. I didn’t think about that at all.

_Fuck no._

“Okay, this is hard. But you know what?”

Levi got the coffee ready, and offered some for me, still not looking at me.

“What?”

“I love you, and I trust you. Even if you arrested me, I would trust you, because that would be only fair.”

When I finished, I noticed Levi finally staring at me. He looked like he didn’t believe a thing I just said.

“You took something really precious from me and traded it with a bullet.” Levi whispered with a broken voice.

For a second that levelheaded and strong police officer in front of me looked really broken and insecure. It was over in a blink of an eye though, and in the end I was sure that I had imagined it.

I sipped some from my coffee and burned my tongue suddenly. I heard Levi trying to cover his laugh with coughing, not really succeeding at it.

_Was that genuine laugh?_

His laugh made me forget the things I thought he said.

“What you’re laughing at?” I asked with a weird voice because my tongue hurt, a lot. It was weird that Levi started to laugh after really serious talk. I didn’t see anything laughable at this.

“So fucking innocent. Speaking so big things and suddenly acting like a total kid.” Levi said while snickering.

I tried to drink my coffee for a second time, still burning my tongue at the process.

“What? Are you making fun of me?”

_Ow ow ow…_

This time Levi started to laugh properly. Could I say his laughter was like music to my ears? Okay, that sounded quite cheesy. But still, it was really rare to hear it. And when I do hear it, it makes me happy.

Levi mumbled something but I couldn’t get it because he laughed way too much for a person who is so dark and unapproachable with a permanent scowl all the time.

So I cracked a smile, even though Levi’s reason to laugh pissed me off. And I think it was my first _real_ smile in months.

_How come this mysterious police officer can make me smile this easily even at my own cost? Normally I would start a fight right about now._

After I finished my coffee, Levi had stopped laughing and he was smoking his third stump.

“So, what are we going to do now?”

“Dunno”.

“What? You can’t say that!” I was devastated. He couldn’t just answer that, because that question refers to our relationship. I was asking what we should do from now on to gain the thing we call _Us._

“Why?” Levi’s gaze just turned a degree colder.

“I want to know what I should do from now on. Like, could I spend time with you or give you some space? Or is there more options? Like should I go home now or –“

_“Stay.”_ Levi stopped me from babbling more, so I shut my mouth and stared at him.

“From now on, stay.”

“Okay.” For the first time I didn’t want to be the annoying shitty brat who I usually was. So I obeyed, I stayed beside him just thinking how grateful I was that he was alive.

_Besides, I didn’t want to go anywhere._

 

     It was something like 3 am, when we were rolling on the floor in a fits of laughter. I have no idea where Levi got so much red vine and booze, but I don’t really care. I’m drunk and it feels like heaven.

We were so drunk, that everything got us laugh.

“Let me tell a thing about Jean. He was my classmate in high school, and head over heels for Mikasa.” I started to laugh already and I had to pause for a sip of booze. “He was so annoying. Like, bloody hell! He looks like a horse, and he always tried to be the smart one. When I wasn’t in his throat trying to strangle him, someone was stopping me from going for it.”

“Geez! Control your temper, kid! Or at least try.” Levi was cracking already.

“He wasn’t helping the situation at all. You should have seen his face when he started to date Mikasa. Like, he couldn’t hide his shit eating grin, and he was even fuller of himself than before.” I drank more booze, feeling the swaying in my head even more.

“Is he still around?”

“Yes, but Mikasa takes care that I don’t see his ugly horseface and smug smile anymore. Unfortunately he and Mikasa are still together though. That guy is a total joke even now.”

“Oh wow. What did you do that Mikasa cut out your quarrels?”

“I snapped and beat Jean into a pulp when he joked about my family. So, he almost had to go to hospital, and it took a good time from him to get Mikasa talk to him. But you know, Mikasa and Armin were really mad at me too.”

“Ouch. You have to remind me to piss you off when I want to fight, kid.” Levi said through his laughter. I scowled at him, but it morphed into a grin quite quickly.

But seriously, I got always into trouble with my short temper. I didn’t have anger issues, but when I snapped, I would not stop until someone else stopped me.

_But you should know this fact: Armin and Mikasa were so fucking scary when they’re mad. Even the manliest of men are afraid of them._

Levi’s stereo was on, and it was playing some rock right now.

_I don’t know where you’re going_

_but do you got room for one more troubled soul?_

_I don’t know where I’m going_

_but I don’t think I’m coming home_

_And I said I’ll check in tomorrow_

_if I don’t wake up dead_

_This is the road to ruin_

_and we’re starting at the end_

“SAY YEAH!” When I recognized the song, I instantly jumped up and left my drink on the floor. I sang with the lyrics trying to dance nicely, but I don’t think I succeeded.

_Let’s be alone together_

_We could stay young forever_

_Scream it from the top of your lungs_

Levi was staring at me doubtfully, so I pulled him up and tried to get him dance with me. Normally he would never dance with me like this, but right now he was singing with me and making pirouettes around the living room. It looked so ridiculous that I had to hold my giggles while singing. But I know that my moves looked as dumb as Levi’s, so I had no right to laugh.

We danced and sung to the end of that song, but it didn’t prevent us from carrying on. It took exactly seven songs for us to fall to the floor exhausted. We laughed again but I had to stop because my cheeks and belly were hurting too much.

When it grew silent, I started to zone out.

“Eren?” Levi asked suddenly. I turned to watch him.

“I missed you.” his words made me smile.

“Same here, Levi.”

_Same here._

 

     Ow… My head. What the hell just happened around here? My head feels like shit and…

I ran head first to the bathroom, just in time to throw my guts out in the right place. After that I collapsed on the tile floor.

Aw fuck. Oh I just love hangovers. I didn’t even drink _that_ much. Or did I?

“Good morning, brat.” What a perfect time for Levi to come and make fun of me. When I looked at him behind my heavy eyelids, he chuckled.

“Wow, you look like shit.” Levi noted while smirking evilly.

“Shut… up." I mumbled. It bugged me that Levi looked normal and felt mildly okay, when I felt and looked like shit.

And I think he drank even more than me last night.

“Aw, my little brat is so sweet and happy today!”

I feel like an awkward teenager again.

“Stop mocking-“

And again I was throwing my guts out while Levi was laughing his ass off.

_Why this guy suddenly laughs so much?_

 

     “Are you feeling any better, brat?” Levi asked when I walked to the kitchen. Like always, Levi had already cleaned out the empty beer and wine bottles.

“Yeah, a little.” I answered with a big yawn. The shower I had taken minutes ago left me feeling refreshed but a bit sleepy.

“There’s some pain killers on the sink.”

“Thanks.”

While I took the meds, I stared at Levi, who was reading a newspaper while sipping some tea. I saw him gripping the tea cup with his weird style. I remember when I tried just for fun to mimic him, but I ended fucking up the whole thing. I chuckled for the memory, and Levi noticed it.

“What the hell are you laughing at?”

“Nothing. I just remembered something useless.”

“Right…” Levi left the thing there. I didn’t really want to recall all the stupid things I have done while being with him so I decided to forget about it.

For a few minutes, we just sat around the table sipping our drinks. I settled for a glass of cold water (obviously my run down body couldn’t keep anything else in) and Levi had another cup of tea. We just silently sat there, enjoying the upcoming day, which seems to be bright and sunny after all this fog and rain.

_I really like these kinds of moments, just enjoying the silence._

That soothing calmness was cut out when I glanced at the clock.

“FUCK! OH NO NO NO NO!” I screamed. It was little over 1 pm, and I had few lessons to go this afternoon. And of course it was history!

I ran up, gathered my shit and made my way quickly to the door. All the time Levi watched me amused.

“Where you think you’re going?”

“To school. I forgot my afternoon lessons. See ya!”

_Yep, hardest lesson plus hangover. This is going to be fun._

Suddenly I felt like I forgot something, which made me stop at the door.

_Oh yeah._

I made my way to Levi with quick steps. He opened his mouth to ask something but I was quicker. I kissed him for a quick farewell.

It was a mistake though. It left me craving more, and obviously the same happened to Levi.

“I almost forgot it. Fuck I really have to go.”

I had barely 40 minutes time to run home to get my books and to the school right after that.

So I left Levi staring after me with so familiar passion in his eyes. I knew that same passion reflected in my eyes too.

I hope that hippie teacher isn’t planning some kind of quick surprise test for today, or I’m screwed.

 

   I made it barely in time. And there was no test today. Okay, he scheduled a big one for two weeks from now on. I tried my best to concentrate for the theme we were working, but I couldn’t. I missed Levi even more, and it made me very nervous now that I knew he was okay, and he wasn’t _that mad_ at me.

Again, my phone buzzed which startled me.

From: Bad ass police officer

_Oi, you’re definitely spending the next night with me. I have few days off from work, so you’re gonna keep me entertained._

So commanding, as always. I tried to hide my growing smirk and typed a quick replay.

To: Bad ass police officer

_Did I leave you craving more?_

Now I couldn’t hide my smirk anymore.

From: Bad ass police officer

_Maybe, maybe not. Are you coming?_

Well that was a quick answer. I decided to leave the tease for now, because the teacher was giving me dirty looks.

To: Bad ass police officer

_Yeah yeah. I have to get some things from home though. So see ya at 6pm, maybe?_

The teacher almost made me give my phone to him, but I managed to read Levi’s fast reply.

From: Bad ass police officer

_I can’t wait, brat._

And that reply made me grin for the rest of my lessons. I welcomed the familiar growing heat in my chest, which only Levi could cause.

 

     “Finally! Where the hell have you been, Eren?” Mikasa hissed right after I shut the front door of our house.

“I said I was at my friend’s house.”

“I saw all your friends in the school, but none of them knew where you were. Or, were you having fun with Jean behind my back?”

I grimaced for that thought, and Mikasa chuckled.

“In your dreams, Snow White.”

“Asshole.”

_We had this unique way to show that we cared about each other._

“Whatever.” I tried to escape to my room but Mikasa followed me.

“I’m staying with my friend for few days. I have only a few lessons at school too.” I hazily explained while packing some spare clothes and other stuff to my backpack. I think I didn’t need to hurry, probably.

“Bye-“ I tried to slip from my room but Mikasa grabbed for my shoulder.

“I think this friend of yours is someone I don’t like.”

“Maybe.” I didn’t really want to talk about Levi with her. Because I think they wouldn’t get along very well. They’re too similar.

“Eren? Are you dating someone?”

I didn’t answer at all, because we weren’t really dating, were we? At least not yet.

_I hope I wasn’t being too hopeful. It seems that life is full of surprises nowadays._

“You are. How long?”

God she was persistent today.

“We’re not really dating.” I almost whispered. I wasn’t ready to tell her about Levi, because I wasn’t even sure that we wouldn’t break up soon. I didn’t want to think that it was even possible, but it was.

“A simple fuck? Okay, but at least tell me who and what kind of person they are.”

“Mikasa stop already.”

“Before that you’re not going anywhere.”

Oh for fuck’s sake.

I turned slowly to stare at her and suddenly tried to flee. It didn’t work. Mikasa dragged me back to my room and threw me on the bed.

“Oof!” All the air escaped from my lungs when I landed on the bed on my stomach. As always, Mikasa was slightly scary with her deathly strength. It made me slightly self-conscious.

“Start telling.”

“Alright alright, calm down.” I murmured right after my lungs started to work again. I got up and sat on the bed and sighed.

“Okay, I’m not telling everything though, not now.” I started telling her while patting the bed next to me. Mikasa warily sat down on it.

I told little about Levi, and that he was involved in a way or another in that mafia mess few months ago. At that point Mikasa sprang up and started to fume about that Levi could be dangerous. I got her to calm down by saying that Levi wasn’t part of the mafia, that Levi was a good guy, but innocent victim in that mess. I’m not really sure that he was completely innocent though, but Mikasa didn’t need to know that detail.

“He was a part of the “mission” the Boss made me do. But I tell the rest some other time.”

Mikasa clearly sensed that the mission wasn’t an easy subject for me to talk, so she said no more.

At the end I briefly mentioned about my growing feelings towards him, silently hoping that Mikasa didn’t say anything about it.

“Oh my god.” She breathed.

Of course my overprotective sister would notice it. And here goes the same talk about _love._ ‘Are you sure it’s love? Does he love you back? Did you use protection? Are you really really _really_ sure? Can you trust him?’

I’m positively sure that Mikasa’s favorite subject for talking is _love._ And she just loves to rant about it to me.

“It’s complicated, Mikasa. But the only thing I’m sure of is that I care about him. Maybe even love him. I don’t know how it ends up though.”

_Oh I know it’s love, but there’s no chance that I was going to tell it to Mikasa._

Right after that, Mikasa hugged me hard, and I hugged her back just as hard.

“I’m happy for you Eren, but if-“

“Yeah yeah, safe that talk for later, I have to go. Say to mom that I said hi.” I pecked a kiss to her forehead and headed out of my room.

“Wait!” I stopped when I heard her.

“What?”

“Did Levi make you smile like that again? Like look at yourself! You seem happier than yesterday, even more than before… that accident.” Mikasa asked and looked at me expectantly.

“Yes.” I grinned at her and she smiled back.

These few months after the mafia left us alone, I had no desire to be happy. But I still smiled, for my family’s sake. However, seems like I didn’t manage to fool my sister.

“I’m happy for you then.” she said and wrapped her red scarf tighter around her neck.

“Thanks Mikasa.” I said and disappeared around the corner with a smile on my face.

I felt a bit giddy about seeing Levi, because I remember that passion in his eyes from the morning, or noon. I think it promised something quite, enjoyable.

My cheeks turn red suddenly (I can feel it!) and rest of my way to Levi’s I try to cool them off. Levi would tease me to no end if he noticed it.

_For a long time, everything’s going well, at least for now._

 

     Damn, I’m late. Levi is going to kick my ass for this. I think I should definitely start planning my will while I nock the door. It didn’t take long for me to hear quick steps stopping behind the door and the door to open.

“You’re late, brat.”

“I know. Sorry, over protective sister.” I smiled sheepishly.

If I remember right, Levi certainly hates tardiness.

“Tch.” Levi hissed and went to the living room. I closed the door behind me and shrugged my jacket off. When I went to the living room, I noticed that it was really clean and shiny. Like, you can see every surface sparkle in the late night sun. I glanced in the other rooms and they were sparkling too.

“Were you cleaning this whole time when I was away?” I asked. Levi glared at me from the other end of the living room.

“No.” he answered, but his tone was different. It took me a minute to realize that he was embarrassed.

_Levi, embarrassed? Wow, now I can die happily._

I started to laugh. It changed from vicious giggling into barking mess. I think Levi looked even more flustered, but he continued staring at me annoyed.

“What the hell you’re laughing at?”

“So-sorry! No need to get flustered, you’re, you-“ I couldn’t speak properly from under my laughter.

Levi stared at me, his left eyebrow twitching.

“You just looked so damn cute a minute ago.” I finally managed to say it, and Levi looked even more annoyed, maybe even murderous.

“Shut the fuck up. I’m heading to shower.” he growled and headed for the bathroom. He slammed the door shut while I still laughed.

 

     I spaced around the house while waiting for Levi. All the time I tried not to think about him, naked, in a steamy shower while little water droplets glided down his firm chest. How he would let his eyes flutter shut while under the water. How his cheeks would get flushed slightly because of the heat, and how his hands would glide on his smooth skin, from his chest to his well-defined eight-pack, and from there even lower until his soft fingers would graze his…

“AW DAMN IT!” I shouted interrupting my too perverted imagination. I heard the water stop, wet footsteps on the floor and clothes rustling. I was a few meters away from the bathroom door, when it opened. Levi poked his wet head from the door, glaring at me for no reason. I thought he would start teasing me about the sudden shouting but instead of that, Levi came to me, just a white towel hanging loosely on his hips. I had no time to enjoy the sight, because suddenly Levi grabbed my tie and started to drag me to the bathroom.

“Wha- Levi, what’re you try-“ I was cut off when he slammed the door shut and pulled me closer to him.

“I think I’m not the only one who’s tired of waiting around. _Strip._ ” I blushed even more. He can’t be serious.

“What?” I stared at him thunderstruck, and my face was probably so fucking red right now.

“You heard me.” his tone when he said that gave me no options.

_Oh my god._

I tried to swallow my nervousness while stepping away from him. I had never even tried to striptease, so I had no idea what to do. So I just slowly started to undress.

Okay! Levi didn’t say I had to striptease, but I simply wanted to impress him. But, uh, not today. Or…

First I took off my sweater while running my hands over my chest. From there I moved to take off my tie, then my shirt and trousers all the while keeping an eye for Levi’s reaction. I tried to be sexy, or hot, but I don’t really think it worked.

_After all, I was all the other things Levi was. That included tempting and sexy._

Right after I took my boxers off, I walked with pride to the shower, capturing Levi’s eyes with my own.

“Are you coming or not?”

_Where the fuck this confidence came from? I’m all but confident!_

I had no time to take a breath and congratulate myself, because Levi was there with me. His towel was gone, and he was leaning in. I tried to calm down my now definitely racing heart while looking away to shut the shower curtain.

When I felt his hands glide on my chest, I was left breathless.

_He always makes my body react like this._

I backed out to lean to the cool tile wall, but it didn’t help.

“Be a good brat and enjoy the ride, because there’s no turning back.” Levi whispered to my ear, taking all my confidence with the words. Now I was a nervous mess leaning on the wall.

_However, right now nothing could get me away from Levi._

“But before that, we have to be all clean and tidy.” Levi said mischievously.

_That fucking… Argh!_

I wanted to scream, or jump on him. But I decided to just nod.

But when Levi was turning the water on, I stole a kiss from him.

 

     Everything felt so different suddenly. We were out from the shower, and Levi was pouring us some wine.

I’m quite thankful that we calmed down: our shower exercises were quite the adventure if you ask me. Levi gave me one of the glasses and sipped some from his own all the while staring at me intently.

He had something in mind, and it was making me anxious. Unfortunately I was not brave enough to ask what he wanted to say, so we just stared at each other across the kitchen bar.

Even the way he looked at me was different.

“You look like you’re going to freak out, brat.” Levi said after a long silence.

“Well, you’re the one to blame, because I know you have something in mind, but you’re not telling what exactly.” I answered a little too sharply.

This man could make me really edgy sometimes.

“Hm.” he murmured and sipped his wine looking lost in thoughts.

God no, no anymore silence!

“Levi, speak. Stop making me so nervous.” I growled, making Levi look at me again and raise his eyebrow.

“I’m quite relieved that this whole mess we have here did not quell your fire.” Levi said and smirked.

Okay, now I’m confused.

My face was probably worth seeing because Levi’s smirk turned into full time grin.

“I can’t sometimes understand that this same oblivious brat almost killed me few months ago.”

I grimaced, not liking the fact that he had mentioned it.

“Tch. Hard subject, is it?”

“No one wants to speak about the past fuck ups they have done. Getting a whole mafia on your neck because you stole from a wrong guy is something only a fuck up like me can do.” I explained and lowered my eyes from his piercing grey ones.

“I agree.” Levi chuckled slightly, but I saw his eyes narrow for a second when I said I was a fuck up.

Another uncomfortable silence passed, but it was Levi who broke it.

“You said that you’re full of lies back then.” Levi started and took another sip from his drink. “If I think about it now, I don’t know anything about you. I can’t tell what’s lies and what’s true from the things you told me.” he said, making me look at him again.

He’s right, and I’m ready to pour my whole soul to him, if he wanted it.

“Ask anything you want and I’m willing to tell everything about it. This time it’s the truth and will always be the truth.” I answered, gripping the glass of wine more tightly.

I couldn’t help the fact that I was hopeful. If Levi was willing to learn about me, it meant he was willing to try and trust me again.

“Okay brat, start telling.”

YES! He, oh my god-

“Um, where do I start?” I stuttered, blushing suddenly.

Fucking argh!

“Unbelievable.” Levi snickered and sat down on the stool.

“Seriously! Where do I start?” I asked and sat down across from him. I saw him eye me up and down, stopping suddenly when he noticed the new key I had.

“Start from that key. Where did you get it?” Levi mumbled and reached across the bar table to examine it.

“Um, it’s my first treasure, my first successful gig."

"Hm…"

"It represents freedom, a key for all the chains and locks you have, but it’s also a promise."

“For who?”

“For myself. It’s a reminder that my times as a pocket thief are over.” I breathed.

"Such big words for a brat." Levi stated and sat back. I snickered a little.

“Armin has been rubbing on me lately I guess.”

“Armin?”

“This blonde mushroom who is secretly a genius and my best friend.”

I remember the time when Armin saw me for the first time after all the shit I had caused. I was quite surprised that he wasn’t even slightly mad at me.

“Never do this again.” he had me promise only that: nothing else.

I looked at Levi, and suddenly he was right beside me, wiping tears away from my cheeks that had gone unnoticed by me.

“I’m so sorry, Levi.” I managed to choke before the ugly sobs started.

All the guilt and remorse that had piled on me came crashing down all of a sudden. I was embarrassed that Levi had to see this, but I couldn’t stop it.

It was so unfair that my parents, Mikasa and even Armin didn’t blame me at all. I would’ve deserved it, so Levi’s anger in the dark street was a relief to me. One person was angry, but it didn’t help me understand why no one else was.

“I’m so sorry.” I mumbled again, but suddenly Levi wrapped his arms around me and comforted me.

“Brat, it was just a wrong place and a wrong time. They can blame you just for the stealing, but everything else was Kenny’s fault.” Levi murmured silently and stroked my hair.

He was alive and did not blame me. I can’t believe this.

“Do you fo-forgive me?” I managed to choke out.

“Yes, but it will take time that I’m yet again able to trust you, sorry.”

“No, it’s alright.”

Maybe it’s better that we’ll go slow.

Levi pulled away when I had calmed down just to look at me in the eye.

There was that different look again. It was so much softer than usually.

Soft, gentle and loving.

I can’t take this. I remember how I saw a glimpse from that look on the same day I pulled the trigger.

He really loves me, even through all that pain I caused.

“Make love with me.”

The words were off from my trembling lips before I had time to stop them. This situation was a bit familiar though. I was waiting again: did I royally screw up with my no filtered mouth or not? The fear of making a big mistake stopped me from feeling embarrassed over my mishap.

I have a bad habit that I speak without thinking it through, and it gets me usually in trouble.

Luckily it seems like I didn’t screw up this time. Not today.

For the first time in my life I saw a genuine smile, just before Levi touched my cheeks gently and kissed me.

It was sweet, and so different from those feverish and violent kisses we have shared before.

I found myself craving more of him. I wanted to touch him and him to touch me, so after the first kiss I pulled him into a new one.

He tasted like the red wine we have been drinking a moment before. But there was also that strong, unique taste, which consists of cigarettes and something that is purely Levi.

I want more of it.

Levi coaxed me up from my stool wine glasses long forgotten, and led me towards his bedroom. Every time I tried to steal another kiss from him, he dodged my attempts and chuckled.

I wanted to kiss him so badly, but at the same time I didn’t want to erase that warm grin he had on.

He held both of my hands, silently caressing them at the same time. Levi’s being unusually gentle, and I’m not used to it. Not that I was complaining, because it left my body buzzing differently than before. It was good.

We came to the bedroom, and Levi motioned me to go on the bed. I obeyed, never looking away from his burning gaze.

My heart started to beat more rapidly, when I saw him crawling on top of me.

“I have been waiting for this, Eren.” Levi whispered and started kissing behind my ear. I sighed in happiness and gripped tightly his hips.

His skin felt so smooth and silky under my slightly calloused hands, when I trailed my hands under his shirt. I trailed small circles with my thumbs against his hip bones while he kissed me feverishly. The kisses were growing more eager and more passionate by the second.

I let my hands wander freely under his shirt, tracing the soft curves and dips on his firm abdomen and chest, all the while Levi explored my mouth with his tongue. He bit my lower lip gently, which made me sigh.

He did it again, and started to trail open mouthed kisses from my lips to my jaw and down to my neck. That familiar heat only Levi’s touches could ignite started to burn brightly in me, making my heart beat like a drum.

I had to bite my lips to stop the moans.

I was on my way to the Heaven. Okay, not exactly, but it sure felt like it when his kisses went lower and lower.

I couldn’t help but notice that our moves were slower than before. Earlier we would be already fucking right now, but not now.

Levi tucked at my shirt and I understood the message and pulled it off. He had already opened his button up shirt, and I got to see his firm stunning body of a god again.

It went on like that. Both of us took our time touching and examining the other, all the while taking our clothes off one at a time.

But that started to silently change, when that familiar passion started to course through my body, igniting me on fire.

We were now kissing like mad men, fully naked, when Levi pulled me up and made me sat on his lap. He grasped me and himself firmly, and started moving his hand up and down our throbbing lengths. I dragged my nails down his back not knowing if I left any marks behind.

"Ah..." I sighed and leaned my forehead on the crook of Levi's neck. His touch was the same, but it felt really different now than back then, before everything turned into shit.

Levi threaded his fingers through my messy hair with his free hand, which sent silent shivers through my body.

His touch was the same, but it felt like he touched me even deeper than before. The feelings he made me experience were even stronger and more nerve-racking in a good way than before. His soft kisses against my collar bone left me hopeless and breathless.

Our cold demeanors were crumbling piece by piece.

“Hey Eren.” his soft whisper against my ear made me lift my head to look at him closely. And what I saw in those storming eyes made me gasp.

I was not in shape for speaking like a normal human, so I made a silent sound that I had heard him.

He moved his hand down from my hair on my neck and there to my cheek. “Do you feel it?” he whispered again while looking at me dreamily. There was that same warmth in his light grey eyes I saw a moment ago.

I’m not really sure that it left his eyes at all.

He suddenly stroked me just right, and it made me a little lightheaded.

“Feel what?” I asked again with embarrassingly croaky voice. My mind was not ready to figure out something through random clues.

“This.” he kissed me again and put his forehead against mine. His free hand slid down from my face on top of my heart. His other hand was still stroking us in a steady pace.

Somehow and I don’t know how, I knew what he meant.

This felt way deeper than before. Not just that familiar spark which made me realize I was falling for this guy in the first place, but something way bigger and could I say scary.

It was scary because I didn’t know what it is exactly.

I put my hand on top of his on my chest and smiled. I kissed him, and stared at him while whispering a soft “Yes”.

After that little intimate moment our growing hunger for a release made us concentrate on our leaking lengths. Levi’s hand was slick with our precum, which made the friction even more delicious. I was eager to please him, so I trailed soft kisses and bites on Levi’s neck, trying to remember where that one sensitive place of his was. I had one hand also stroking our lengths, and Levi was massaging my hip with his free hand. That familiar intoxicating fire was forming in my lower stomach, making it harder to think through my lustful haze.

I didn’t even realize it first when I was already coming with a loud and shameful moan. I don’t know why, but Levi started chuckling while I was still high on my orgasm. I collapsed on the bed, dragging Levi on top of me. Soft puffs of air tickled me when Levi was still chuckling against my neck. I was trying to pout because he was definitely laughing at me, but my bliss was making it really hard.

“What the hell are you laughing at?” I managed to mumble, making him snicker even more. I mean, I loved it when I made Levi laugh, but it made me a little irritated when he laughed just to be mean.

“I think you’re the only person who does not look sexy at all while coming”, Levi finally mumbled. When he lifted his head up to look at my face, he started laughing again.

Well, this was awkward. I have always thought that if I did not look sexy while doing anything else (which I didn’t, thank you very much), then at least I would while having a mind-blowing orgasm.

Looks like even in bed I was everything else but hot, sexy or attractive. “Levi! Stop laughing! I can be sexy, you asshole!” I murmured and glared at him.

“No you can’t.” he answered with a wolfish grin, which was not like Levi at all.

“Come on! Man is always sexy when making food!” I groaned and pushed lightly at his shoulder.

“Eren, admit it: you can’t cook for shit.” he answered with even bigger grin. I pouted and turned my head away from him. He was right yet again, and it annoyed the hell out of me.

“Shut up, you moron.” I whispered and felt my face going red. Levi chuckled, and started kissing my neck and jaw, secretly coaxing me to stop the pouting.

I was ashamed how well it worked.

“No need to get so worked up because of that. Being sexy or attractive needs elegance, and you’re everything else but elegant.” he said while moving up to lean on his arms still hovering over me. I tried not to care about the friction he was causing while moving around, but it was hard.

“Gee, thanks a-“

“But, that’s one of the things I love in you.” he cut me off with words that made my heart beat faster and gasp in surprise. Looks like his words did surprise him too, but he quickly sucked it up and looked at me gently.

I think we both were still not used to those sweet words that would spill suddenly from our mouths. They were so random and sneaky, and that was the only evidence I needed to know that they were real and sincere.

Now I knew yet another new fact about him, and I was not able to continue my pouting. I trailed my hand up his back and when my fingertips touched the edge of his undercut, I pulled him closer. I kissed him with all the storming feelings and passion my body could hold in. I kissed, sucked and bit him with a new found desire to show him something that words were unable to tell.

It was my turn to worship his body of a god. My turn to touch and show how much he meant to me and how easily he made me quiver with lust.

Before it was Levi who insisted being the one to lead the way, but I was sick of it. It was my turn now.

So I pushed him away and made him lay on his back on the bed. When he started to fight against me, I straddled him and leaned forward to whisper in his ear.

“Let me lead the way this time, Levi. Let me show you how much I adore you and what you turn me into.” My words made him gasp.

Now that I think about it, until now I have not gotten the chance to make this all about him. It was always Levi who touched and me who was touched.

I moved up and looked at the man I loved deeply. His eyes were blown wide with lust, and he was panting loudly. His raging erection was pressing against my entrance, and I realized suddenly that he hadn’t come at all. Okay, it was no secret that Levi always lasted longer than me. I moved a few times on him, making us both groan and my dick hard.

“Eren, god…” Levi moaned when I did it again while biting my lip. I did it again and again just to get to see Levi’s face when he was silently falling apart piece by piece. After a few more thrusts it was me who got desperate to have more.

I got the lube and condom from his nightstand’s drawer. Levi still kept them in the same place like before.

“Are you- letting me prep you?” Levi asked and drew circles on my hipbones with his thumbs. His face was flushed beautifully. I rarely saw him blush anywhere, but now his face was almost completely red.

“Yeah. I can’t do it like you do. It doesn’t feel the same.” I murmured, quickly going red myself.

“Did you try it?” he asked and stared me in wonder.

“Yeah.”

“O-oh, Darn it.” Levi moaned, and his hips buckled under me. Seeing Levi react like that was mesmerizing.

“Give me the lube, brat.” Levi groaned and snatched the lube from me. He looked embarrassed so suddenly. I couldn’t help but smirk because of it. Making him react like that was a huge boost to my self-esteem.

In the end my smirk disappeared when I felt his cool fingers near my entrance. I hunched closer to him when he smeared the lube around it. First finger made me gasp for air, because it was long time ago when I last took time to play with my body.

Levi’s first finger was in, and he started moving it slowly. I tried to will myself to relax, so I started to lay gentle kisses around Levi’s body.

This was amazing.

I shivered when Levi added another finger, and started to finger fuck me.

“I love your face when you are like that.” Levi murmured. I moaned and willed the sudden embarrassment to go away by kissing him fiercely.

“Sh-shut up.” I whispered against his collar bone.

Levi added a third finger, which left me quivering and moaning slightly. I had to really concentrate on the kisses and touches I was placing around his body, because the burning fire in me was threatening to take me whole.

It was way harder than before, because this time was different than the other times we had fucked in the bedroom.

“Enough.” I groaned after few minutes, and Levi pulled his fingers away from me. I started to unwrap the condom, but Levi surprised me by taking the condom from me and tossing it off somewhere.

“Wha-“

“I got myself tested, and I assume you haven’t been fooling around while we were not seeing each other?”

“Yeah…” I hazily remembered that one time when I had claimed that I was clean months ago. Back then we only used condoms because Levi wasn’t sure that he was clean too.

So I don’t know what to wait for this.

I snatched the lube before Levi could and started pouring it on Levi’s dick.

“Aah! Shit! That’s cold as balls!” Levi shrieked with a jump. It was so sudden and funny that I started to laugh. I have to admit that I was nervous because I was waiting for the possible fuck up all this time. The nervousness crumbled away with my laughter.

“Sorry!” I said through tears of laughter. Levi pouted and looked away from me. He was mad.

“Aw, don’t be mad.” I murmured and pecked a quick kiss on his cheek. Levi did not budge, so I decided to continue my ministrations.

I spread the lube on his length, making Levi sigh. I stroked him a couple times, and then cleaned my hands on the same towel Levi had used earlier. I lined myself up, ready to sit down on his dick, but Levi wasn’t looking at me.

“Look at me, Levi.” I whispered through clenched teeth. I wanted nothing else but to sit down and have one hell of a ride, but I knew this would be even more satisfying, if I did it differently. Levi wasn’t looking at me at all.

“Levi. Look how much I want you.” I whispered with a soft whimper. That was enough for him, because one moment later I was met with a pair of piercing smoky eyes. I sat down, feeling his length going inside me.

“A-aah! Only you- can make me like this. O-oh!” I shrieked and tried my best to stay upright. This whole situation was making me go overdrive.

I stilled for a second, getting used to my ‘saddle’. I knew that Levi was looking at me, but I was already too gone to be embarrassed. He was running his hands up and down my sides, trying to help me relax.

A moment later we started to move slowly, both groaning and panting like mad. It felt wonderful, but in the same time I swore because of the painfully slow pace.

Suddenly we both grew tired of it. Levi started thrusting his hips up, and I met him in the middle. Sometimes Levi would move just right, which would make me scream like a wanton whore. The fire inside me was burning brightly, but I knew it wasn’t enough.

Until Levi decided to sit up and put his upper body against mine. My legs started to get tired, so he made all the work.

I wanted to make him feel great, but I had drowned in my own lust and passion too deep. I couldn’t do much anymore.

“Levi…” I breathed and wrapped my hands around him, raking my nails down his back.

“Fuck…” Levi moaned because of it, making me smirk.

Right now I was blindly searching something that would tip me over yet again, but found nothing.

Luckily Levi helped me with that. He started kissing my shoulder and neck, leaving light marks behind.

“Let me see how I can make you feel good.” he murmured against my ear, taking the rest of the reins from me. I felt him push two of his fingers in my mouth, commanding me to suck them with a shivering whisper.

“You’re so perfect.” he whispered, and started stroking my painfully hard dick. I moaned loudly against his fingers. No way that I’m going to last long. My body was being captured by a firestorm, which took me over completely when Levi whispered something against my ear.

“I love you, Eren.”

_He makes me feel alive._

With those simple words and a particularly good thrust I came crashing down from my high. He pulled his fingers away from my mouth while I collapsed on him. I was exhausted, because that was the best orgasm I have ever had. No whips or kinky stuff, just a few words.

Levi had come right after me, choking his cries against my shoulder. We were both panting crazily, eyes glazed over.

I gasped when I noticed the blood on my fingertips. I had accidentally broken his skin with my nails a moment ago. Hastily I moved away from his lap, running with wobbly legs in the bathroom, leaving a dumbfounded Levi to stare after me.

“Wait! What the fuck you’re doing, brat?” I heard him shout when I searched for the first-aid kit. After founding it, I took it and a wet cloth with me and went back to him.

I was met with a storm in his steely eyes.

“Wha-“

“Shush. I accidentally scratched your back.” I murmured while fussing around with the band aids. I looked at his back, and saw the long marks on it.

“Ow, those had to hurt. Looks like sick wings if you ask me,” I murmured again and started washing them.

“The marks are one reason why I cummed after all.” Levi answered. I stared at him in wonder.

“I can’t even feel them anymore, so stop fussing around!”

“No! They might get infected.”

“Eren.”

“No! Just stay still.”

In the end he obeyed, and I got to threat his wounds.

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore, never again. When I saw that blood pour from your shoulder back then, I thought that… that was it. I wouldn’t be able to hold you anymore.” I mumbled, not sure if I was voicing it or not.

Levi’s sigh indicated that he had heard my unclear words.

“I’m alive, Eren. I’m here.” he whispered, making me go blind with tears.

“You’re alive and I love you.” I whispered and wrapped my hands around him. We just sat there, naked and dirty, trying to get over the possibility that we could’ve lost each other for good. It was painful enough that we got to live a few months while both of us thought that the other was gone.

Levi took one of my hands and kissed my knuckles one by one.

After that I finished treating the wounds and cleaning myself somewhat clean from the stickiness. But while I was at it, Levi stopped me

We went under the blue soft covers and curled around each other. I was exhausted both physically and mentally, but I didn’t nod off instantly like I thought I would.

I took a hold of Levi’s hand and intertwined our fingers together. When I stared at the dark form of our hands, I realized how happy I was. Okay, Kenny was still freely roaming the New York’s streets with his mafia, but right now I was content.

I love and I am loved.

“I love you.” Levi murmured from the darkness and kissed my forehead.

“I love you.” I answered more clearly than ever before.

We repeated it over and over again, softly murmuring it against the other’s skin, until we fell asleep.

_He was everything I needed to feel like living my life to the fullest again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so. THANK YOU FOR READING AND SORRY FOR NOT POSTING ANYTHING FOR A YEAR EVEN THOUGH I HAD FINISHED THE LAST TWO CHAPTERS EXACTLY A YEAR AGO.  
> But I have reasons. I started this fic what, almost three years ago, and at first I FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS! But now I hate almost every word of it, because this started as a few word poem. (I'm publishing it when I finish it.) I don't know, maybe I just grew sick of this :x It's also really weird to me that some of you have said that this fic has moved you in some way or another, while I don't think so highly about this fic anymore... STILL, I have been dreaming about writing a second part for this. Maybe I do, if I find inspiration for it, MAYBE.
> 
> This was also my first multi-chaptered one so… Yeah. Thank you for reading. Also you all make me squirm with your comments.
> 
> ~Tami
> 
> PUBLISHED HERE 5/23/2015 BY TAMI HARU  
> WRITTEN IN THE BEGGINNING OF 2015
> 
> Fic is mine but the characters belong to Isayama.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my god. My eternity project...
> 
> Gonna be posted on my DeviantArt when I finish editing the rest of the chapters.
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you got hooked ;)
> 
> ~Tami


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